Sunday 27 September 2009
Tuesday 21 July 2009
Sunday 12 July 2009
I'm going to let you kill me...
Remember this message; (dated 30th May)
Well i'm having serious deja vu. However this time, it's not such a gorgeous day, the beach boys are not playing and i have work... all week, with this awful swine flu like cold (although i believe it to be more to do with the shots of sambuca last night than the current pandemic).
Although, this time i have a better idea of whats going on. And i understand. It's got too that inevitable point where the whole situation is questioned. It's too serious to be casual and not willing to be anymore than that. I just don't want to fall out. Or argue. Why does everything have to get so complicated?
Last night i drank doubles, did shots, and then proceeded to have a panic attack in the middle of the market square. It came out of nowhere. The only thing i could think of that may have triggered it was that i was worried about bumping into John and his new girlfriend laura (Don't ask) in stealth. I think R miss understood when i tried to explain in the car on the way home. I feel very much over John, so much so that it scares me how quickly i got passed it and i've judged myself harshly because of it. I was simply worried because i wasn't sure how to react if i were to bump into them, because i was obliterated... hence panic.
In other news; i've got a 2 month free trial with lovefilm.com so i intend to watch as many films as i can between working, recovering from this cold and just relaxing. I've exhausted myself and i think this had a lot to do with the attack i had yesterday. I haven't had one in years.
And i promise, whilst recovering and relaxing that i'll make an effort to contribute some much more interesting and intelligent postings to the blog. This by far is the most half hearted thing i've ever written on here. It could be because my eyes are burning and i'm getting snot all over the keyboard - so i'll leave it there.
xoxo
Entitled; Neurotic
What on earth just happened?
You'd think guys would be best pleased with a girl not eager to tie them down. No hidden agendas.
How wrong could i be.
Seriously? What just happened? Seriously??
I'm not even gonna go there. It's a gorgeous day, the beach boys are playing and i have a heap of revision.
This one can sort itself out.
What on earth just happened?
You'd think guys would be best pleased with a girl not eager to tie them down. No hidden agendas.
How wrong could i be.
Seriously? What just happened? Seriously??
I'm not even gonna go there. It's a gorgeous day, the beach boys are playing and i have a heap of revision.
This one can sort itself out.
Well i'm having serious deja vu. However this time, it's not such a gorgeous day, the beach boys are not playing and i have work... all week, with this awful swine flu like cold (although i believe it to be more to do with the shots of sambuca last night than the current pandemic).
Although, this time i have a better idea of whats going on. And i understand. It's got too that inevitable point where the whole situation is questioned. It's too serious to be casual and not willing to be anymore than that. I just don't want to fall out. Or argue. Why does everything have to get so complicated?
Last night i drank doubles, did shots, and then proceeded to have a panic attack in the middle of the market square. It came out of nowhere. The only thing i could think of that may have triggered it was that i was worried about bumping into John and his new girlfriend laura (Don't ask) in stealth. I think R miss understood when i tried to explain in the car on the way home. I feel very much over John, so much so that it scares me how quickly i got passed it and i've judged myself harshly because of it. I was simply worried because i wasn't sure how to react if i were to bump into them, because i was obliterated... hence panic.
In other news; i've got a 2 month free trial with lovefilm.com so i intend to watch as many films as i can between working, recovering from this cold and just relaxing. I've exhausted myself and i think this had a lot to do with the attack i had yesterday. I haven't had one in years.
And i promise, whilst recovering and relaxing that i'll make an effort to contribute some much more interesting and intelligent postings to the blog. This by far is the most half hearted thing i've ever written on here. It could be because my eyes are burning and i'm getting snot all over the keyboard - so i'll leave it there.
xoxo
Sunday 5 July 2009
Carboot Finds...
I've been a very busy girl today
Records
The Specials - Ghost Town Extended Version LP 50p
The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony LP 50p
Fatboy Slim - Halfway between the Gutter and the Stars LP 50p
DVDs
Carlitos Way (Al pacino)
Lock Stock and Two smoking barrels
Heat (Al pacino)
The Others
Rumour Has It
Burn After Reading
Dawn of The Dead
Shawshank Redemption
Baz Lurmans Romeo and Juliet
Books
We need to talk about kevin - Lionel Shriver
Notes on a scandal - Zoe Heller
The Abortionists Daughter - Elisabeth Hyde
Quentin Taratino's Pulp Fiction Screenplay
Trainspotting Screenplay
The wasp factory - Ian Banks
Records
The Specials - Ghost Town Extended Version LP 50p
The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony LP 50p
Fatboy Slim - Halfway between the Gutter and the Stars LP 50p
DVDs
Carlitos Way (Al pacino)
Lock Stock and Two smoking barrels
Heat (Al pacino)
The Others
Rumour Has It
Burn After Reading
Dawn of The Dead
Shawshank Redemption
Baz Lurmans Romeo and Juliet
Books
We need to talk about kevin - Lionel Shriver
Notes on a scandal - Zoe Heller
The Abortionists Daughter - Elisabeth Hyde
Quentin Taratino's Pulp Fiction Screenplay
Trainspotting Screenplay
The wasp factory - Ian Banks
Saturday 4 July 2009
Flash from the past...
I've just stumbled across my first post and so much has changed... here it is to save you looking... and the red is the present
- I live with "Boy" on the edge of town - I now live back home with my parents by a field
- ... In our somewhat dysfunctional apartment and as of late, our somewhat dysfunctional relationship. - In our quaint little family home
- I am currently hungry - i'm always hungry
- ... and working 3 jobs along side my full time degree - finished for the summer and working 2 cushy jobs
- All of which are with children, so high levels of responsibility and an unmeasurable amount of patience leaves me exhausted
- ... however work is sparse as of recent, due to my battle with finding balance between work, degree and life - work is regular and easy
- My dysfunctional relationship is comprised of little communication, mainly due to Boys nocturnal behaviour. Rarely is he conscious prior to tea time, keeping most of his waking hours post 6PM - my dysfunctional relationship is so over. Singledom has found me = amazing no strings attached sex
- ... and he is currently jobless - i believe this still to be true but no longer my problem
- Leaving me tearing down the walls - No wall tearing. Unbelievably content
- ... and our relationship it would seem
- But we are trying - no more
- And i am waiting for a sign... a message from god, which is awfully big of me because i am, in no sense of the word, religious - God life is good.
Listen to...
Alone Again Or
by Love
Verse 1:
Yeah, said it’s all right
I won’t forget
All the times I’ve waited patiently for you
And you’ll do just what you choose to do
And I will be alone again tonight my dear
Verse 2:
Yeah, I heard a funny thing
Somebody said to me
You know that I could be in love with almost everyone
I think that people are
The greatest fun
And I will be alone again tonight my dear
by Love
Verse 1:
Yeah, said it’s all right
I won’t forget
All the times I’ve waited patiently for you
And you’ll do just what you choose to do
And I will be alone again tonight my dear
Verse 2:
Yeah, I heard a funny thing
Somebody said to me
You know that I could be in love with almost everyone
I think that people are
The greatest fun
And I will be alone again tonight my dear
Should have touched wood...
Yesterday i finally went to pick up the money John owed me and all the post that had built up at the flat. It was not a pleasant experience. I wish that i never have to go back but i've still got furniture to pick up. It was so empty. I was shocked that i felt nothing. He was shakey. I can read John like a book and he was uncomfortable. He said because he hadn't seen me for so long, but i was sceptical.
He's taken the pictures down in the bedroom and bought new sheets. Which means he's fucking someone new. I told him he was a better liar when we were together. There is someone. And it's Laura.
He made a comment about how she always calls him squire and makes him wear a hat when he goes round. I laughed, which i don't believe was the response he was fishing for. And made a comment that suggested that, that was kind of pathetic.
Which she is.
Not because she's probably sleeping with my ex. But because she irritated me from the word go. She seems pretty cool from a distance but honestly, some of the stuff she comes out with. She used to make me cringe.
It's a weird mixture of feelings. It's also very hypocritical. I feel nothing for John apart from familiarity and even that is beginning to wane, it's not that he's changed overly, or at all for that matter. But i feel like the girl going out with him wasn't me, it's all very surreal. And I'M sleeping with someone else! But that was my HOME! She's floating around in her irritatingly child like manner! On My sofas! My coffee table! My Futon! My Mirrors! My cups and plates! I'm more angry that she's acquainted with the flat than sleeping with my ex. I loved my flat.
So anyway. Babyshower today followed by the Maltcross with Jamie, Ruth and Luke... and to her great disappointment NOT Glen.
He's taken the pictures down in the bedroom and bought new sheets. Which means he's fucking someone new. I told him he was a better liar when we were together. There is someone. And it's Laura.
He made a comment about how she always calls him squire and makes him wear a hat when he goes round. I laughed, which i don't believe was the response he was fishing for. And made a comment that suggested that, that was kind of pathetic.
Which she is.
Not because she's probably sleeping with my ex. But because she irritated me from the word go. She seems pretty cool from a distance but honestly, some of the stuff she comes out with. She used to make me cringe.
It's a weird mixture of feelings. It's also very hypocritical. I feel nothing for John apart from familiarity and even that is beginning to wane, it's not that he's changed overly, or at all for that matter. But i feel like the girl going out with him wasn't me, it's all very surreal. And I'M sleeping with someone else! But that was my HOME! She's floating around in her irritatingly child like manner! On My sofas! My coffee table! My Futon! My Mirrors! My cups and plates! I'm more angry that she's acquainted with the flat than sleeping with my ex. I loved my flat.
So anyway. Babyshower today followed by the Maltcross with Jamie, Ruth and Luke... and to her great disappointment NOT Glen.
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