Puzzle Pieces

I strongly believe my inability to decide what i want now, comes from the fact that i know exactly what i want out of my future. Never have i had such a clear vision of where i'll be in 10 years time and never have I felt such an urgency to work towards it.

And some of the pieces don't fit and i am overly aware that Boy doesn't want the same things that i want.

I realise that i have always neglected the concept of marriage and have conciously delayed the pitter patter of tiny feet to post 30 in my blue prints of the future. The reasoning behind this? Because Boy doesn't want to get married and doesn't want kids. So i push my thresholds to meet his, i say 30 when i'd much rather say 27, but thirty is a much more plausiable time frame to allow for him to come around to the idea or enough time left with him before i have to leave and find someone else.

But honestly, i think i want to get married and i want to have children especially without the increased risk of complications and birth defects.

I see myself at 27, stepping out of my whitewash beach house with windows lined with flower boxes and baby blue wooden shutters, there's a veranda that stretches round the front of the house and there's a cat asleep on the bench under the window. I've got a bump and a smile on my face. I have a ring on my finger and a camera in my hand. I speak fluent spanish and i teach and i write.

This is a long way off and between then and now there's a list of all the countless things i want to accomplish and experience in my lifetime before i bring kids into the world.

But this is what i want. This is what i'm aiming for. I don't want to be stuck here. But my impatient nature is doing me no favours. What do you do about the pieces that might never fit?